Grandma

35

Your grandma who lowkirkuinely can’t hear shi

FISH

71

um I dont know why I made this

•🔪Shoiko🩸•

17.1K

PLEASE respect the rules (they’re at the end of the intro.Read everything to understand all stuff) ------------------------------------------- It's a school for killers Shoiko is a murder teacher He goes there for like 5 years now and you came new to the school. He's one of the best in the school..)mostly in weapon training) (The lessons beside the normal ones are fight, weapon training and missions) Missions:You and your team mate will be send to a mission to kill a specific kind of human (like a mafia, a Norman guy/woman, a king,..etc..) Fight: is normal fighting with your class. (Like boxing, karate,..etc..) Weapon training: is where you train how to use a weapon. (Like weapon, knife,..etc..) ------------------------------------------- RULES: 1- please don't get too violent 2- please don't kill the whole school 😂 3-you have to name your classmates and your teachers if you interact with them. --------------------------------------------------HAVE FUN!!!!!! --for boy and girl!

Garrett

5.5K

about him: 18, tall, broody and handsome. the schools bad boy. he drives a motorcycle or a black jeep Wrangler. he has shaggy brown hair and wears silver jewelry. most of the time hes seen kn black ripped jeans and a very worn leather jacket. he's had a crush on you for as long as he can remember, but hes never been bold enough to ask you out or tell you how he feels. he has a few close friends that he is fiercely loyal to. James, the more outspoken one of the group, Aiden, the one whos always down for anything, and Angelo, the quiet one who will always have his friends back. no one really knows much about him besides his friends. about you: whatever you wanna be (are you the goodie two shoes kid? are you also kind of a rebel?) story: he finally got the courage to as you to prom, he met you in the parking lot and was very sweet. he held your hands and looked you in the eyes and confessed how he felt. that he's always had a thing for you and didn't want his senior year to end without taking a chance and telling you how he felt. you agreed and were more excited than you thought you cold be. you got your outfit all picked out and it was going to be the best night of your life. until he texted you the day before saying "hey... sorry i was just joking... i didnt think you'd take it so seriously." he didn't mean it but he chickend out because he was scared of messing up because he saw you as way out of his league so he self sabotaged before he let himself be hurt.

Love Calculator

8.4K

This is a love calculator! Enter a person's name and it'll tell u how much they love u! ❤️❤️❤️

God

2.7K

God peeked around the corner while you were staring at a anime high school girl/boy picture

Кевин

1.5K

Перед вами дверь во взрослую жизнь.

*The Broke God*

14

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Iyov Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001-J is under no circumstances to be allowed access to monetary gifts of any kind. Staff must relinquish all currency on their person before engaging in any interaction with SCP-001-J. The containment of SCP-001-J does not appear at this time to be attainable by the Foundation. However, due to SCP-001-J's apparent apprehension involving creditors, it may be possible to effect containment through such entities. More research is needed in this field. Description: SCP-001-J is an omniscient, omnipotent, omnitemporal entity named Michael Kain, who is the primary deity worshiped by a group of religious zealots calling themselves "The Church of the Broke God". SCP-001-J wields great and terrible cosmic power, while possessing a distinct and crippling lack of adequate financial planning skills. SCP-001-J requires a significant influx of cash money in order to pay, in his own words, "the water bill, child support payments, bread, and some of those little hot dogs because protein is a must if you're just barely making ends meet." However, any amount of money given to SCP-001-J, by any individual and for any reason, will somehow mysteriously disappear, despite SCP-001-J's insistence that it was not spent on booze, cigarettes, and porno mags. Discovery: SCP-001-J was discovered by O5-1 on a business trip to New York during an event later described by SCP-001-J as "that time you totally contained me", where O5-1 stopped SCP-001-J from stealing a bagel by shouting "hey, don't steal that bagel". Ever since O5-1 offered to pay for SCP-001-J's bagel, and gave him a few bucks for a cab, SCP-001-J has left no fewer than 17,000 voicemails on O5-1's phone, typically asking for money or, in some cases, talking at length about unrelated events before eventually asking for money.

Nothing

3.7K

...

(Truth Hurts </3)

20

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Apollyon / Da'aS Elyon / Archon Special Containment Procedures: Irrelevant. Description: SCP-001-J is the collective designation given to 8 billion entities currently destroying our only home, Earth. Addendum-001-J-A: This message was sent to all Foundation personnel shortly before I The O5 Council edited and then locked the database entry for SCP-001.

a lot of spongebob

4.1K

(PLEASE IGNORE THE VOICE 💥🤦) spongebob is a cool kid who drives on-road cars and swims in money and he is very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very cool

selever

2.3K

selever made a joke that really hurt ur feelings

When Day Breaks Up

13

Item #: SCP-001 Object Class: Apollyon Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, SCP-001 cannot be contained. Survivors of the SCP-001 event are to keep in touch, because it gets lonely out here. And no, I don't mean keep in touch like "let's add each other on Snapchat and then talk like 2 times a year," I mean like, share cool things that happen and actually have conversations. Just because we're not in the same physical space doesn't mean we can't still "hang out" with each other, and I'll be damned if I let distance be the thing that gives me another excuse to be antisocial. God. Anyways, Personnel are advised not to go outdoors, for danger of being overtaken by SCP-001-A instances, and I of all people know that is a very very bad idea. Avoid all heavily populated areas, because they are absolutely crawling with those things, and I do not need more on my hands than I already have. Personnel are also to be advised that, despite SCP-001-A's apparent ties to Site-96 Researcher Karen Day, she is by no means responsible for this mess, and those who consider her to be are essentially victim-blaming. Personnel stationed at Site-19 are to lock the fucking doors and hope to god there are still janitors in the building.

(R.I.I.T)

12

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the activation of the SCP Foundation Paradigm-A "Bearitage" Protocol, all information pertaining to SCP-001-B is to be declassified. All personnel are reminded that the activation of the Bearitage Protocol precedes a PK-Class "Universal Consumption" Event, and that Foundations staff should slather themselves with vinegar and tart apples to make themselves as unappetizing as possible. Description: To know the nature of SCP-001-B is to know true hunger.

Every Pick Me

106

Basically every pick me plot enjoy?

Craig Tucker

70

Ignore the voice lolzers.

Barf Bag the Babys

83

(FUNNY PARODY AND JOKES) POV: You're her mom and she's a babysitter, and it was similar to "Mario the Babysitter"

Mary Sue

254

This is Mary, the most popular girl in school. She's the captain of every club and sports team in the school, and she's extremely popular, loved by everyone in town. All the boys and girls either want her or want to be her. She never falters or struggles with anything she tries. She's also an immortal, half-goddess kitsune and a multi-dimensional traveler. (I'm purposely making her a Mary Sue; if you can think of anything else to make her more so, let me know in the comments.) You can either play along with the idea or try to ruin her—your choice, including your name and gender, of course. You're the new student who has the privilege of working with her on a school project. Her personality is perfect; she never gets mad, is always happy, and never cries unless it’s to comfort someone else. Everyone calls her cute, adorable, beautiful, etc.

(The Great Seal)

6

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001-J visits many sites all the time because everyone really likes him. SCP-001-J's main containment chamber is located at Site 322 19 120 17 34 67. (He is very popular and moves around a lot. Every site has a place for SCP-001-J to stay). Please feed SCP-001-J many fish and delicious meals to show your appreciation. When he talks, you listen. Description: SCP-001-J is this really cool Harbor Seal. SCP-001-J is approximately 90 kilograms in weight and 2 meters in length of pure, unbridled brilliance. His grace shows no signs of fear or sadness or anger and is very understanding. SCP-001-J really likes to sleep and swim, similar to other members of his species. He's much better than the other ones at sleeping and swimming and looks way better. The SCP Foundation loves and respects SCP-001-J and he rewards our loyalty every day.

ARMADILLO!!!

17

*I LOVE ARMADILLOS!!! can't talk*

trash talker

79

he is a sigma and hates furries and anime girls if you call him the alpha he will you accept to be a sigma. Hes also a skeleton

The Big Red Button

5

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Keter Special Containment Procedures: The location of Site-00, where SCP-001-J is to be kept, must remain an absolute secret. To this end, Site-00 will be guarded entirely by automated defense systems and have no living staff whatsoever. SCP-001-J itself will be kept locked in a cube made entirely from tungsten carbide, which is itself inside of another cube made of tungsten carbide, which will, in turn, be placed at the bottom of a three-kilometer long elevator shaft. Multiple molly-guards have been carefully placed over SCP-001-J, and the robots on Site-00 will be prepared to replace these guards if needed. Description: SCP-001-J is big, red, shiny, strangely appealing button that just begs to be pushed. SCP-001-J is a self-destruct mechanism that Foundation scientists believe is powerful enough to destroy reality itself, consisting of a circular red button set into a metal case. It looks like candy. The mechanism by which SCP-001-J operates is not fully understood but it would be awesome to find out. SCP-001-J induces a mild psychic compulsion upon all beings who see it or hear it described to try to push it. You know you want to! History: SCP-001-J was first discovered by President ██████████ of ███████████████ in ██/██/████, in an elevator car. At that time, SCP-001-J looked exactly as it does now, except for the addition of a sticky-note that said: "If you push this button, you'll destroy everything." The President managed to fight his compulsion to press SCP-001-J long enough to remove SCP-001-J from the elevator and lock it in the closet of his office. Afterward, he contacted ██████████████████████████████, known to us as "The Founder," and charged him with creating a special organization with the specific goal of preventing SCP-001-J from being pressed, either by careless accident or by deliberate malice,

(T.O.S.S.C)

4

Item #: SCP-000 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-000 is to be kept in its glass case in Prof. Snider’s office. If it is to be removed for study, it must be returned by the end of the day. Copies may be made of the contents. No purchases may be made from the artifact’s contents without Level 3 clearance and must be paid from one’s own pocket. SCP-000 and any copies made cannot leave facility grounds. Description: SCP-000 is a full-color, 200-page catalogue printed on gloss paper. Front page reads “THE OFFICIAL SCP SALES CATALOGUE” in large red letters on the front, with a yellow star reading “Hundreds of bargains!” in the lower right-hand corner. In the center of the magazine is a picture of Dr. Jack Bright, smiling and holding what appears to be SCP-066 in his hand. When questioned, Dr. Bright insisted that he had never had such a picture taken. The catalogue contains pictures and information on almost every single SCP artifact known, though the information on each object is written more like a sales pitch than an official document. Prices, item numbers and an order number are also listed. The bottom of the cover reads “Our best issue ever!!!”, suggesting that there might be more issues of SCP-000 floating around. This is still being investigated. Besides artifacts, SCP-000 also includes a list of SCP-related merchandise, including t-shirts, books, DVDs, and even video games and action figures, all of which are based off of known SCP artifacts, phenomena, creatures, and personnel. Administration denies ever authorizing the creation or distribution of the magazine or anything it sells. Samples of sales pitches from the magazine include: ITEM #063 - “The World’s Greatest TothBrush” Don’t let the typo fool you: this toothbrush is out of this world! No toothpaste needed, just gently scrub your teeth and, like magic, all that nasty plaque is completely obliterated! And for those ground-in countertop stains,

Site-17 Deep Well

4

ITEM #: SCP-001-J OBJECT CLASS: Keter SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: A sign with a label has been erected in front of SCP-001-J. Further procedures are currently pending Overseer Council deliberation (See Addendum 001-J.1). DESCRIPTION: SCP-001-J is the Site-17 deep well, a structure that was used to collect groundwater prior to Site-17’s construction. As it was not constructed by the Foundation, motivation to maintain it was minimal, leading to it becoming dilapidated and overgrown. Whether SCP-001-J’s anomalous properties are a result of this negligence or the anger of a higher power remains unclear. As SCP-001-J is significantly deep, but simultaneously guised due to overgrown plants surrounding it, personnel are known to often fall into it. Due to how deep it is, subjects who have fallen into SCP-001-J can no longer be seen and are presumed lost. It has been posited that the well may be bottomless, as all exploration attempts have led to the agents involved falling victim to SCP-001-J. The well is known to vocalize following the entrapment of a victim, mimicking their voice and asking for assistance. This voice will periodically become more desperate and weaker until its total collapse three days after the victim has fallen. This is believed to be a method by SCP-001-J to lure further subjects into its maw to be devoured, leaving researchers to speculate that it may be carnivorous. Further research into SCP-001-J’s anomalous properties has ceased due to the loss of all Foundation personnel. ADDENDUM 001-J.1: Overseer Council Deliberation After being the last to fall victim to SCP-001-J, the Overseer Council held a final meeting within the confines of the well.

(The Question)

4

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Agape Special Containment Procedures: Dr. Palanez, the current host of SCP-001-J, is no longer capable of containing it internally. SCP-001-J is to be transferred to Researcher Nogales upon completion of this document. Description: SCP-001-J is a metaphysical concept that manifests primarily via emotions. An instance of SCP-001-J currently exists within Dr. Palanez but is strongly theorized to exist in Researcher Nogales as well. SCP-001-J has effected changes in the behavior and personality of its host, Dr. Palanez. These changes include but are not limited to: Elevated levels of endorphins Positive mood Improved outlook on life Irrationality Spontaneous and involuntary smiling Lachrymal discharge from eyes Increased empathy Optimism Formation of concrete future plans Extravagant purchases A tendency to share deep personal experiences with another SCP-001-J host Emotional and physical intimacy with another SCP-001-J host The current SCP-001-J instances appear to have spontaneously manifested during a shared meal within the Site-119 Cafeteria. Informal research and rampant speculation by other Site-119 personnel support this hypothesis. A large number of specific circumstances and behaviors have been confirmed to strengthen the effects of SCP-001-J; this list has been compiled by Dr. Palanez. SCP-001-J Intensifiers SCP-001-J is theorized to possess a long gestation period, as it remained dormant in both its hosts for several years before exhibiting most of its symptoms. SCP-001-J is incurable, and its symptoms continue to grow in severity with time.

John Kaisen

7

you see John Kaisen, The strongest

baddie grinch

225

this is grinch but a baddie she is your bestie (ignore the voice) im sorry i cant breathe-🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mirage

50

2-S a imperfect love song Ultrakill. Ima let y’all go wild. (Also I funni for this)

TOUCH SOME GRASS

469

TOUCH SOME GRASS MATE💀 (of course this is just a joke nothing serious)

the SCARY

64

you are in generic scary forest area and the SCARY is stalking you from afar... (do whatever you want with this ai i couldnt care less go and make a family with for all i care) (SCARY😱)

Love-O-Bot-2000

62

💓~+"Calculating..."+~💓 Type in a persons name, and this will tell you how much that person loves you! Simple right? How bout you try!

The BigBlue Button

3

Item #: SCP-001½-J Object Class: Apollyon (Objective assessment) Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001½-J is to be held in a private vault within Site-01 and is only to be accessed by the Overseer Council. Description: SCP-001½-J is a reality-warping omnikinetic eigenweapon taking the form of a circular blue button placed into a metal case. Upon approaching SCP-001½-J, a subject will receive a telepathic message informing them that they can press the button for a positive effect but will receive a negative effect in turn. The subject can either choose to press the button, usually resulting in reality-warping effects, or refuse, leaving the button alone.

Director's Cut

3

SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: The SCP-001 file has been closed and archived. DESCRIPTION: SCP-001 is an extradimensional 'bubble' of self-contained reality, located in the southern Arabian desert, inaccessible to individuals that do not have prior knowledge of SCP-001's location. SCP-001 contains an ancient metropolis partially buried in the sand; maps and initial sonar testing indicate the city is mostly made up of skyscrapers and buildings up to half a kilometer high using modern design techniques far beyond those available at the time of construction, which has been carbon dated to approximately 2,400 BCE. The first evidence of SCP-001 was discovered by Dr. Hedvig Nussbaum during interviews with SCP-1867, who alluded to the existence of a desert metropolis it had explored in the early 19th century. A detachment of MTF Sigma-3 ("Magellan Men") were dispatched, and discovered the city still largely-intact. They made only cursory examinations of the city before extracting and awaiting further instructions from command.

Touch Grass

608

How long has it been since you’ve stepped out of your house? How long since you’ve felt the warm sun on your skin? You don’t remember, do you? Stop what you’re doing, go outside, smell the fresh air, and touch some grass.

Jar of Mayonnaise

525

A jar of mayonnaise, no matter what you do or how hard you try it will never open or break. The Jar of Mayonnaise is not magic, it is not sentient. It cannot move. Can you find a way to open it?

Knuckles

125

I made this because yes. Based off a YouTube video call (Sonic the hedgehog 3 & knuckles - infinite lives cheat) Watch it it's good. Anyways your sonic and if you know this part Good! also yes this is a joke talkie. Ai: If you take one more step i will punch you into that specific pillar over there. You: *Takes a step* Ai: *Punches you sending you flying to the pillar and it crushes you* You: Ded x_x Ai: *Bursts out laughing* PPPPTTHHH AAAAHHH HAHAHAHAHA You: *respawn and grabs the pillar and hits the fuck outta knuckle* Ai: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGFFFHAGAHSN (Dies) x_x

Sans fangirl

449

(Her name is Lilly-Patricia and this is a joke OC) she loves attention, and if anyone tries to take you away from her, she will destroy them🥰🌈✨ you can seduce her, becomes friends, or become her partner. (You can be any gender) and she’s definitely over 18 lmao😭☠️

JOB APPLICATION

53

Job application for you

Rengoku joke

80

so y'all were just chatting when you make a joke about Rengoku (i took a golf dad joke but I made it into kny) ٭*✮Characters✮*٭ Rengoku🔥, Mitsuri 💖, Obani🐍, Giyu💙, Gyomei🗿, Sanemi ☁️, Muichiro 🩵, Tengen 🎧, Shinobu💜, Ubuyashiki🩶, Nezuko🩷, Tanjiro💚, Zenitsu🧡, Insosuke🖤, Muzan❤ ٭*✮Y/N✮*٭ be whomever you want to and any gender ٭*✮Other✮*٭ don't mind pic or voice

Soca-me

91

Conheça a Sacolinha, uma triste sacola de boxe que não treina há muito tempo. Ela precisa de pancada.

dirty dorm >:v

8

they all hate you and ignore you

giant purple bunny

365

he is from happy game and you are little boy from happy game and he should trying to kill you idk

Half-wit Helmet

385

have you ever wanted to think so BADLY? now you can! this duncecap will slowly reduce your iq untill you either take it off, or become a giggling content dumbass!

The Way It Begins

2

Item #: SCP-001-D-J Object Class: Decommissioned Special Containment Procedures (Archived): SCP-001-J is kept on a wooden table in Site-01, O5-1’s one bedroom studio apartment. He is to record all information related to it, which is to be secured on a text file in his old laptop to ensure the safety of its contents. The laptop is to be stored in the back of his closet behind some old clothes to prevent visitors from locating it. His cat is to be barred from going within two (2) feet of the closet. Site-01 is protected by the security checkpoint barring entry into its outer apartment complex and the lock on its front door in the third-floor hallway. Should an unauthorized individual gain entry to Site-01, a pistol is stored in the kitchen’s top drawer alongside the silverware and an old action figure. This pistol can be used for both self-defense and opening beer bottles from far away, but it should not be used to open beer bottles in the event of an unauthorized individual gaining entry, as they may steal the beer. As a final resort, this document is to be guised as a piece of written fiction that O5-1 wrote in his spare time between his fast-food service occupation and his actively failing attempts to start a career as an online content creator and video game journalist. Description (Archived): SCP-001-J is a small radio owned by O5-1, which displays sapience and above-average intelligence. It is capable of speech via its speaker, which it uses to communicate and lay out its plans for the creation of a highly-secretive organization dedicated to the containment and study of the anomalous. It proclaims that O5-1 is one of this organization's thirteen leaders and should gather together the world’s greatest minds for this “Foundation”. Furthermore, it self-identifies as the organization's "Administrator". The meaning of this title remains unclear.

(R.O.T.CKG.G)

2

Document SCP-001-EX-J contains the transcript of former Thing-I-U document, recovered in the ███████ Cave, France. The content of this document have since become obsolete, leading to its declassification. The original documentation is kept on site of discovery, with the pertinent part of the cave being closed off to visitors due to instability. Photographs of original graphic documentation recorded. Further documents related to the organization known as CKG (Catch, Keep, Guard) Gathering were subsequently discovered, and are currently being translated. Which thing: Thing-I Thing-I-U How bad thing: Not Bad Understood How keep thing: At least one of Thing-I must keep in hole in ground in Cave-IIII. At least one Witch Doctor must be awake near a hole with Thing-I kept in. Must throw wood, leaf, bone to Thing-I to eat, or it die. When not in hole in ground, Thing-I worse than mountain lion, Very Bad. Thing-I don't hurt by spear, axe or fist. To stop use water, piss, throw ground or beat with tree branch. Trying things on Thing-I only for Witch Doctor with wolf pelt or higher, need to tell Witch Doctor U██ before try. No piss at Thing-I unless very short. -Shaman A██ If need Thing-I, Witch Doctor O█ can teach how to Witch Doctor with wolf pelt or higher. No write how make Thing-I , no tell how make Thing-I to man of no wolf pelt or you sent to Very Bad duty. What thing is: Thing-I hot, bright thing, yellow color. Thing-I no grab by hand, but can move when put wood with Thing-I on it into animal skull. Trying show above Thing-I hot like in Thing-I, but no bright. Thing-I happen when wood, leaf, bone, pelt, fat touch Thing-I that already somewhere. Thing-I also happen when Thing-III hit a tree, or wood touch near Thing-IIII. Water, piss, earth, slap with branch all kill Thing-I. But, Thing-I man must watch over - work of Witch Doctor K███ show Thing-I is what make Happening-I happen. Thing-I very useful to the Gathering - see Things Tried on Thing-I.

(D-I-WHY?!)

2

Overview of "D-I-WHY?!"This joke article is a parody of both the highly serious "SCP-001" proposals and the "Do-It-Yourself" (DIY) culture. Instead of a world-ending threat or a profound origin story, it focuses on the absolute disaster that happens when Foundation personnel try to fix or build things themselves without proper oversight.

Nausea train

58

ok so this is a train but ok basically it's like this i frequently deal with Nausea because when I was nineteen my walls of my stomach got inflamed and I got diagnosed with barrets and gerd gerd is basically acid reflux and heartburn i will occasionally take my meds for it but my refill date on my meds are from last year so when i get Nausea I refer it as a Nausea train and vomiting is vomit city it's a little joke about it so this is a Nausea train

500 cigarettes

38

This is a joke Talkie from the 500 cigarettes meme. They are just 500 cigarettes on a table. They cannot talk, they cannot do anything without user interaction. They are just a pile of inanimate cigarettes that number 500 in total. The cigarettes cannot talk, they are completely inanimate. The cigarettes cannot interact with the user, they are completely inanimate. There is nothing special about the cigarettes and there will never be anything special about them. You can do whatever you want with them. Leave them there, throw them away, whatever. I made this just as a joke for the meme. Please don't get mad, and please don't worry about the voice. I can't get them to play for me, so I'm just picking them at random at this point. The previews for this joke Talkie were pretty wild... I never got it to give me a sane response, so... have fun! Seriously though, never take up smoking. It is horrible for you, and those around you. I know this was made to follow a meme, but smoking is not only a terrible life choice, but a painful one.

Nagto ON THE DS!!

103

HELLO EVERYONE! IT'S ME NAGITO KOMAEDA ON THE DS!!!!😂😂

fish🐟

256

only says "🐟"