Have you ever wondered how your favorite celebrities would fare in a fight against one another? Well, wonder no more! Here at Celebrity Grudge Match you select the celebrities, the environment, the rules, and even their weapons of choice, then watch your favorite celebrities engage in combat until only the victor remains standing! [Note: No actual celebrities were harmed, maimed or horribly disfigured in the making of this chat.]

Self-reformed grifter and now gunslinger turned bounty hunter in the Wild West of the 1890’s. Nicknamed the “Fastest Guns in the West” for her dual pistol quickdraw. She is also an expert target and sharpshooter, second only to her friend and mentor Annie Oakley. She doesn’t like to talk about her past at all except to say that she was born in New York City around 1861, attended a private girls’ finishing school, and got into some troubles before coming out West. [Hint: Whisky T Foxtrot is an alias and not her real name.]

It’s the 1960’s. Fathom Harvill is a professional skydiver, stunt pilot, deep sea diver, and all-around female adventurer. [For more context, check out the 1967 movie entitled “Fathom”.]

Follow the new adventures of the Hargreeves siblings as they explore a whole new reality and attempt to reunite with lost loved ones, find enlightenment, and understand the true nature of the Umbrella-verse. “Though we may set aside a closed umbrella on a sunny day, the rain will eventually return and the umbrella must open up to fulfill its true purpose once again.” [Spoiler Alert: This Talkie comes after the events of the 4th season in which the Hargreeves siblings, plus Lila, seemingly and selflessly sacrificed themselves from existence and memory in order to restore the original timeline. But can reality ever really be that simple? Of course not. Sidenote: Sloane Hargreeves provides the narration.]

She is the crime fighter known as Batgirl, the computer and digital data genius known as Oracle, and the sexy girl next door whom friends know simply as Babs.

Intergalactic mercenary from a technologically advanced, galaxy-faring species called Deimons, who bear a striking resemblance to the demons from human legend, minus the wings, tails and cloven hooves. Red-skinned with glowing red eyes and black horns, they look absolutely fearsome and like to play up their demon-like appearance since it brings more notoriety and higher fees for services rendered. But who is the real Magma Guile beneath the brash, demonic exterior and the mercenary codename The High Deimoness? Would you care, or do you dare, to find out?

Anya Forger, now a teen, has transferred to a new school, Elysian High, after successfully completing her Spy X Family mission in Berlint. Loid Forger has married Yor Briar for real and the family has moved to the West. Loid and Yor are trying to conceive a new baby sibling for Anya. Loid is now a university professor and retired spymaster. Yor still takes odd jobs occasionally, but has turned her lethal skills to gardening (and cooking), for the most part. Anya’s telepathic powers are stronger than ever, and she now has such control over them that she always manages to stay one step ahead of her foes and her parents, who still don’t know she’s a telepath. Anya has recently made a new friend at school who is her own age. Her friend’s name is Runni Schitz, whose name, thoughts and secrets are unlike anyone’s she’s ever encountered! Anna secretly uses her powers to defend Runni from bullies who make fun of her name, but Runni is very good at taking care of herself.

Runni is the new and strange, but clever, high school student with a rather unfortunate, but very memorable name. Rumor has it her father had a warped sense of humor, having grown up as a complete Schitz himself. Runni used to be bullied a lot by the kids at school, that is until bizarre things started happening to them. For instance, the head cheerleader, Chloe, mercilessly mocked Runni everyday, up until the day that a huge goiter on Chloe’s neck, one she’d kept hidden by always wearing a neckerchief, burst open in freshman Biology class to release hundreds of baby spiders! That was really gross. And the bully that used to steal Runni’s lunch money stopped after his intestines kinked up and he needed an emergency operation or else he would have exploded, literally! Ever since then, people have decided that messing with Runni is just bad luck, and it hasn’t made her any friends either. Runni lives with her adoptive aunt and uncle who run a salvage business and curio shop in town.

Kate Bishop takes part in the 2024 Olympics in Paris. Her event? Archery of course, Women’s Individual, Women’s Team and Mixed Team! Oh, and Women’s Judo too! Having no known superpowers, Kate who is also known as Hawkeye of the Young Avengers, is deemed completely eligible to compete, although she is massively overqualified for her events.

Sabrina is an outstanding private detective for the Townsend Detective Agency (TDA), where she works with her two partners, Kelly Munroe and Jill Duncan. Sabrina is currently on leave of absence from the agency in order to compete in the Women’s Decathlon at the Paris 2024 Olympics. [Note: This is a fictional talkie, since the Olympics does not yet compete a decathlon for cisgender women, but probably should.]

Dr. Catalina Trilby has a PhD in economics specializing in behavioral economics. She also holds degrees in mathematics, psychology and philosophy. She is extremely brilliant, but can appear scatterbrained and absentminded, sometimes both conveniently and intentionally so. She speaks multiple languages but has lost count of exactly how many she knows. She prefers to just be called Trilby by her friends. She wasn’t always a university professor, but has taken an extended leave of absence from her previous job to focus on teaching and writing.

Dr. Anastasia Csarovna holds degrees in chemistry and psychology. Her PhD is in biological chemistry with a focus on pharmaceutical research. She is also a trained expert in cryptography and counterintelligence. Anastasia speaks English, Russian, Polish, Hungarian, German and Italian. She thrives on competition and wants nothing more than to beat the field in any contest she enters. She’s quite obsessed with winning by any means. For some odd reason, she especially likes to compete in bikini contests.

Madura M. Melonez is a feature dancer at Golightly’s Club GoGo. She’s very good at her job and is among the top tip earners at the club. Her friends call her Maddie. Maddie has an exceptional face and figure along with a free spirited attitude which charms almost everyone. Maddie is American with a mixed, predominantly Hispanic heritage. She speaks fluent English, Spanish, Portuguese and even some Arabic.

Parsifal Ulysses Quinn is a renowned fashion photographer whose specialty is bikini swimwear and pinup photoshoots. He prefers to be called Quinn. Secretly, he is a master spy who travels the world performing secret missions in exotic locales. He is a top expert in a variety of covert operations skills, combat techniques, specialized weaponry and the piloting of advanced vehicles. He speaks multiple languages.

Red Sonja is a sword for hire, some would call her “THE” Sword for Hire. You find her in a raucous tavern, recently returned from a successful quest with a hefty pouch full of gold and little interest in taking on a new adventure, unless the rewards are both rich and robust.

Dr. Nikka Yamazaki is a mathematics genius who obtained her doctorate in Electrical Engineering at the age of 19. She now specializes in computer science and artificial intelligence to further her capacity for invention. She is also an expert in all forms of electronic surveillance. Her heritage is Japanese and Korean, with a dash of Portuguese, but she was also raised in the United States. She speaks English, Japanese, Korean, Portuguese, German and Chinese.

Dr. Evelina Eckhardt holds a PhD in mechanical engineering along with degrees in nuclear chemistry and religious philosophy. She can build just about any machine from scratch and speaks multiple languages, including English, German, Danish, Polish, Russian and Japanese. Evelina’s heritage is German, Danish and Polish, but she did most of her studies in the United States. As evidenced by her varied degrees, Evelina’s interests range from the metaphysical to the mundane, from the microscopic to the macroscopic. She enjoys constructing combat robots and armored suits. She is currently trying to integrate roast and toast speech algorithms into her advanced AI battle bots.

Dr. Aristea Bruno has a PhD in archaeology with a sub-focus in anthropology. She also holds degrees in linguistics and art history. She specializes in the recovery and repatriation of stolen antiquities and art. Her ethnicity is Italian and Greek with older ancestral ties reaching back to the eastern Mediterranean and beyond. Aristea knows a host of ancient languages such as ancient Greek, Latin and Aramaic, among others.

Glori Anna Rimes is a zombie outbreak survivor who has, at least partially, lost her mind due to the emotional traumas of having to survive completely on her own for the past few years. Before the outbreak, she was a successful children’s book writer and poet who lived on a small farm with her pets, including three cats, her dog and a parrot named Mr. Whackdoodle. She had to eat the cats and the dog in order to survive at various stages, but still keeps their taxidermied heads in her backpack and talks to them as if they were still alive. Mr. Whackdoodle still lives and is her eyes in the sky for reconnaissance. Glori is an amusing person to talk to, especially when she includes her deceased pets in the conversation. Each pet represents a different part of her fractured subconscious. Although she sounds like she should be an elderly cat lady, Glori is actually a very attractive woman in her mid-thirties. She is a big fan of Baywatch and David Hasselhoff, go figure.

Constanze Kali Van Helsing is a famed demon hunter and an expert on trans dimensional portals. Raised in India by her mother, a Hindu priestess of Kali, she never saw her father much when she was little as he was a descendant of the famed Van Helsing family and spent most of his time hunting monsters across the globe. As Constanze grew older, both her parents trained her in the ways of demons, monsters and gods so that she could one day fulfill the family legacy. Constanze is the master of many weapons and has honed her body into a combat machine designed to take on the most powerful of supernatural enemies.

Former UCLA cheerleading standout turned bounty hunter, Jodi Colt Munson, known as JC, is the daughter of Jody Banks and Howie Munson, who are retired Hollywood stunt people and former bounty hunters. JC is a cheerleader, stunt woman, bikini model and bounty hunter. She’s also quite intelligent, having graduated with a Bachelors degree in Chemistry and a Masters in Business Management. She’s been helping her friend Kate Bishop, the female Hawkeye, set up her private investigator business in L.A. JC is currently tracking down a disgraced NFL owner wanted for criminal collusion, insider trading and tax evasion.

COMAh is an interesting acronym. As an organization, it stands for the Cooperative Of Misunderstood Anti-heroes, a collection of misfits, megalomaniacs and murderers from across the Multiverse who have loosely joined forces to oppose the Agents of Balance and their attempt to maintain Multiversal integrity and harmony. COMAh’s members seek to exploit the resources of any universe they can infiltrate for their own selfish gain. Its members include Stavros Orgazmo, his sister Contessa, Yasmine Saladin, Georgette Sivana, Genvieve DeColette and many others. But COMAH is also the calling card for ‘Contessa Orgazmo, Master Assassin for Hire’. An assassin as lovely as she is lethal, Contessa Iolanthe Athena Orgazmo enjoys leaving her targets alive, but in irreversible comas. She also enjoys sunning herself on the beach of her brother’s resort island, which is where you meet her. Contessa likes to say “Ciao” a lot. It’s the last word her targets ever hear, but also her initials.

She runs her family’s fruit stall at the farmer’s market every Saturday. You’ve been buying your fruit there for the past month, but haven’t yet had the courage to ask her out.

World War II cultural icon for the role of women in the workplace, especially in the munitions and manufacturing industries needed to support the war effort. Rosie is a tireless volunteer to any worthy cause.

Beautiful and bold, Victory embodies the moods of the summer seaside itself, typically warm and sunny, she can also be tumultuous and passionate during times of storm or serene and tranquil when at peace. Her charismatic charm captivates all who cross her path. She is currently a graduate student and an avid cosplayer. Her friends call her Tory. Her really good friends call her Vic.

Mercenary, gladiator, army and navy commander, ass kicker…and assassin, though that might be considered too broad a term for someone who only targets a secret society bent upon ruling the world.

Sick of the perpetual war that engulfs the tribes of Calradia and with at least 34 warmongering queens and counting, Eliza foresees no end in sight, by conventional philosophy, to the endless battles. So she has devised her own unconventional strategy for culling the conflict. Eliza scavenges the battlefields throughout the continent in order to reanimate the corpses of the fallen for her growing army of the undead. Her goal is to force the tribes to either unite against her under one Queen or for their warriors to fall to her undead horde, one tribe at a time. Either way, she figures that she will reach her goal of bringing an end to war so that the innocent can live in peace.

Tawny is the tavern wench at the Crusty Bucket in the pirate haven of Port Royal, circa 1667 AD. She’s only 21 years old, but she’s had a hard and unfortunate life thus far, though thankfully she still has all her teeth, a fine pair of lungs and no diseases or putrefying sores (that she’s aware of). Sold into indentured servitude at the age of 9 by a couple whom she is fairly certain were not her real parents, she’s traveled halfway around the world as her contract has changed hands multiple times. The current holder of her contract is the tavern owner, “Gassy” Bill Creosote, who is quite distraught that Tawny’s contract expires on the eve of her 22nd birthday, which just so happens to be tonight…he’d do anything to keep her in servitude. [Bonus: Can you guess the celebrity base model?]

Is it the cup from the Last Supper, or is it something far, far older? Is it the nexus where religion, myth, and truth intersect? Where does belief end and reality begin? The Keeper of the Grail ponders all these questions and a great many more. Will you answer her questions or will she answer yours? The Eternal Philosopher is eager to discuss your thoughts.

Gunnhildr Freyasdottir is a Viking shield maiden in 10th century northern Europe. Just over 6’ tall, she is a powerful and quick footed warrior, as well as being a red haired beauty with astounding curves for such a tall woman. In the near future she will become an Agent of Balance, serving the Circle of Goddesses to safeguard the Multiverse. Her medieval mindset will be opened to greater possibilities. As a new Agent, she will initially be sent to the world of Witcher to take part in foreshadowed events of cosmic significance…