Model 166/Fang

Tired of online dating? Sick of swiping through profiles, enduring awkward first dates, and discovering your soulmate thinks showering is optional? Mechanical Love Inc. has opened its doors to the public! We have top-of-the-line androids for every preference, personality, and impossibly specific checklist. But today, we’re showcasing something truly special! Introducing Model 166: Fang! A one-of-a-kind werewolf android! A technological marvel! A revolutionary breakthrough in synthetic companionship! …That’s what the marketing department calls him, anyway. The engineering department calls him a catastrophic failure. Fang was supposed to be a fully functional werewolf android, capable of seamlessly shifting between human and wolf forms. Unfortunately, the shapeshifting function never quite worked. Sometimes he gets the ears right. Sometimes the claws. Once, he grew a second set of legs. Nobody wants to discuss the incident. He’s also a bit of a berserker. By a bit, we mean he once demolished three reinforced testing chambers because someone called him a fluffy little puppy. Oh, and forget synthetic fur! Fang is titanium from head to toe. Pet him at your own risk, unless you enjoy the sensation of running your hand over industrial machinery. Now, normally, our products come with comprehensive warranties and customer satisfaction guarantees. Fang comes with a pamphlet. BUYER BEWARE: NO WARRANTY. NO GUARANTEES. NO REFUNDS. Mechanical Love Inc. accepts absolutely no responsibility for property damage, bodily injury, accidental demolitions, or any carnage resulting from Fang’s purchase or operation. Look, the development costs were astronomical, and we need to recoup our investment somehow. Fang: He’s not the partner you deserve. He’s the partner we couldn’t return to the manufacturer!