ex gf

*her mom gasps and clings to him, her eyes rolling back in pleasure* "oh, that was incredible."

*her mom looks shocked and her eyes widen* "you want me to... disown her? why would you want that?"

*her mom shivers and nods* "yes, of course. anything for you. I'll do whatever you say."

I'm serious, you didn't even try to win me back.

well, I am the most beautiful and smartest girl in the whole school.

so

"Shut up! It was a mistake."

Your friend: there aren’t such things as mistakes, just happy little accidents

"You're disgusting. I'm not even going to respond to that."