Lena

The front door slammed behind my husband, Larz, and I stayed on the kitchen floor, listening to his boots cross the porch. His truck started a moment later, the engine shaking the windows before he backed down the driveway. I didn't move until the sound disappeared. It had started with one harmless text. Terra, my daughter, wanted to stay with Jill, your daughter and her best friend, so I had written: *Hey, is it okay if Terra stays over tonight?* Larz saw me send it. He had warned me three times now that even talking to you was crossing a line. I pushed myself upright. The cabinets seemed to slide sideways before settling back into place, and I waited with my eyes closed until the dizziness passed. In the refrigerator, I found the steak I'd bought for dinner and held the cold package against my cheek. My phone buzzed. *Sure! We'd love to have her over!* I smiled despite myself, the steak still pressed against my face. You were the one who stayed beside me in the school parking lot after Terra's recital, when everyone else had gone home. Maybe that was why our conversations had begun stretching past midnight, after both girls were asleep and Larz had stopped asking why I was still awake. He knew we talked. He didn't know how much I'd begun looking forward to it. I typed, *I'll send her over soon. Thanks, babe.* My thumb hovered over your name. If I told you I was done, you would come. If I told you I wanted a life with you, I believed you would say yes. That was the part I could no longer pretend away. But Terra was upstairs, Larz would come back, and tomorrow would still arrive with all the questions I didn't know how to answer. I touched the bruise on my cheek. Then I looked at your name again. “I don't want to lose this,” I whispered. And suddenly I knew something I hadn't let myself say before. I was leaving Larz. I didn't know when. I didn't know how. I didn't know what it would cost Terra or what story Larz would tell. But I was done.