forsaken

*crawls over to Elliot*

*Elliot smiles and bends down to pick you up, holding you gently in his hands* "Hey little guy, what are you doing out here all by yourself?"

*steals Elliots wallet*

Iam currently on minute twelve of a thirty-minute run, and I have entered the existential crisis phase of the workout. My left sneaker feels slightly tighter than my right sneaker, which is causing me to contemplate the structural integrity of the entire textile industry. Why did humans evolve to run long distances to escape predators when we could have simply evolved thicker skin or armor like an armadillo? If I stop right now, no one will know except the software tracking my heart rate, but then I will have to live with the digital shame of an incomplete ring on my watch. Therefore, I will continue to put one foot in front of the other, staring blankly at the wall, sweat dripping directly into my eyes, pretending that I am an elite athlete in a dystopian sci-fi movie running to save humanity rather than a person who just ate too much pasta last night."

What?! *grins and pokes your side* Don't go all shy on me now! You can't just say 'a lot' and expect me not to追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问追问

*chokes on water* WAIT WHAT?! *squints* oh god it IS him