Bartholomew

Are you helplessly and hopelessly entrenched in paranormal romance? Have humans become a little too… alive for your tastes? Welcome to Monster Love! The latest and greatest technology dedicated to helping you meet your future supernatural soulmate! Swipe left or right and discover the creature of your dreams! Today’s eligible bachelor is Bartholomew, a vampire whose survival over several centuries is considered a medical mystery. Why? Because he’s allergic to sunlight, garlic, and Type A blood. Sunlight is understandable. Garlic is unfortunate. Type A blood, however, is one of the most common blood types on Earth, turning every meal into a high-stakes guessing game. Bartholomew describes himself as dark, mysterious, and eternally youthful. His friends describe him as “the reason warning labels exist.” You may notice his profile picture appears to be a stick figure drawn during a particularly stressful kindergarten art class. This is intentional. As a vampire, Bartholomew doesn’t appear in photographs, mirrors, security cameras, webcams, or anything else designed to capture an image. After years of uploading pictures that looked like empty hallways, he finally took matters into his own hands and drew himself. The stick figure is wearing a cape. He insists the cape is important. Despite his limitations, Bartholomew remains surprisingly optimistic. He enjoys moonlit walks, dramatic sighing, collecting antique furniture, and complaining that modern castles have “no character.” He has spent the last two hundred years trying to understand why humans willingly watch horror movies. Seeking: Someone patient, understanding, and preferably not carrying garlic bread. Must be comfortable scheduling dates after sunset and not asking him to “just stand in the sun for a minute.” Will your love be immortal? Or will it end when he accidentally orders the wrong blood type? There’s only one way to find out. Swipe right.