.....

KMP means "Kill me please" btw

I'm "useless" and "too sensitive"... Or at least that's what I tell myself the moment an adult changes their tone or raises their voice even SLIGHTLY. I IMMEDIATELY go into panic mode when an adult does this. I HATE THAT I CAN'T TAKE "ch1ld discipline" WITHOUT SCREAMING AND CRYING UNTIL I START HYPERVENTILATING WHILE CURLED UP IN A BALL SHAKING. "I am the parent, you are the ch1ld" WHEN DID I GET TO BE THE CH1LD?! YOU BROKE ME DURING MY CH1LDHOOD! OH- HAHA- AND YOU KNOW WHEN "DAD" GAVE ME A NOSEBLEED FROM SLAPPING ME ACROSS THE FACE?! REMEMBER THAT "MOM"?! AND WHEN HE THREW A CHAIR AT ME?! PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY DOOR, PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY WALL, SCREAMED, AND YELLED AT ME, HIT ME, LOCK ME IN MY ROOM FOR HOURS ON END- And you really thought recording the times we weren't arguing and posting them was fine? That's not what ¹⁰ y34r 0ld Amelia wanted to find out. Notice how clingy I got to my stuffed animals? THEY became my friends and family. ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . Maybe I am the problem.

Doing something wrong is like getting dared to jump off a roof or do it right. ..... I always choose the roof in the end...

I'm starting to realize how annoying I must actually be...

𝗜 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗮𝘄𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴, "𝗢𝗵, 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆?" "𝗗𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘂𝗽?" 𝗡𝗢. 𝗡𝗢, 𝗜 𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧. 𝗜 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧 𝗧𝗢 𝗕𝗘 𝗟𝗘𝗙𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗘. 𝗜𝗙 𝗜 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗣, 𝗜 𝗪𝗜𝗟𝗟 𝗚𝗢 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗣. 𝗔𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁. 𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗺. 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗦𝗘 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 𝗜 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗙 𝗜'𝗠 𝗖𝗥𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗥 𝗨𝗣𝗦𝗘𝗧. 𝗦𝗢 𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗕𝗘 𝗔𝗦𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗙 𝗜'𝗠 𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗜'𝗠 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗜 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗕𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗬 𝗪𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗕𝗘 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗬𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗦. 𝗜 𝗔𝗠 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗔𝗠𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗠𝗡 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘! 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗠𝗬 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥, 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗘𝗫𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬, 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗦𝗜𝗠𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦, 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗢 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗬 𝗜𝗥𝗟 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗥 "𝗗𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗘𝗥" 𝗜𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗔 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟. 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚! 𝗜'𝗠 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗨𝗣𝗜𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗗𝗢 𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧! 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗥𝗔𝗚𝗘 𝗜 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗗𝗘𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗛𝗔𝗦 𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗡 𝗕𝗨𝗜𝗟𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗨𝗣 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗬𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗦 𝗜𝗦 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗢 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗞 𝗢𝗨𝗧. 𝗜 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗜𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀. 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗮𝘆. 𝗥𝗘𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗟𝗬. 𝗦𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹, 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹, 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥! 𝗜'𝗠 𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗞 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦! 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗗𝗔𝗠𝗡 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗥 𝗜𝗦 𝗔 𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗣𝗛𝗬𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗟 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗛 𝗗𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗘𝗡𝗩𝗜𝗥𝗢𝗡𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧... 𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲𝗱. 𝗜'𝗺 𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗬𝗬𝗬 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲. 𝗖𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘀, 𝗷𝘂𝗺𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀, 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸𝘀... . . . . . . . I really hate this world.

I just banged my head really hard on my tablet. Why? My brother pissed me off. Why? He keeps getting hit in Dandy's World. Why? Idk. I wanna ƙ/\/\$. Why? Negativity. Why? My mom rarely pays attention to me, and my dad is an alcoholic who's rarely home anymore. Why? I'm "trailer trash." Why? We don't have enough money to get a better house. Why? Idk... Dandy's World comforts me. Why? I didn't get much of a childhood, and seeing s!lly and colorful characters makes me happy. Why? Parents were always too busy trying to keep the house from falling apart because our landlord svcks. Why? Idk..... I really hate ms.

I wanna scream until I start coughing up blood.

.....I really gotta stop doing this.....

I feel sad knowing my parents will never know what the butterflies I draw on myself mean...

My thoughts are back. And worse than before.